5/25/05

We went to the rock place and dad brings a pan and makes eggs with fire. I like eggs and when they are scrambeld. I found dimind rocks and put them in my shoes. I think its tresher. i’m gonna put them under my bed so no one steals them. My dogy Annie jumped in the water. She likes to fech stiks. My sister made a fary hows. I gave her a dimond rock for the fary. The tooth fary mite live here.

7/12/08

I went to the rock place today to find some more rocks for my collection. My rocks are super cool and special. I found one today that has a stripe of green in it. I don’t know how that happens but maybe it could be because dad said there was lava here. I think it’s an emerald and it might be worth some money but I’m gonna keep it. I think I found diamonds too. And I found a shark tooth and that’s crazy because it would have to float up the hudson river all the way here.

8/5/12

I just found my rock collection in my closet. The last time I added a rock to it was in the fall so I want to look for some more. I think I’m gonna go to the rock place because when dad and I were fishing there last week we found a metal rock sifter someone left and I wanted to use it but it got too dark. I’m going with John tomorrow.

8/6/12

So I went back to the beach with John and he thinks he found an arrowhead but I don’t believe him because he’s always telling me things like that and besides why would there even be an arrowhead just laying around today. Him and Aron lie to impress me and i’m DEFINATLY not impressed!!!

6/23/16

My boyfriend Clay came with us to the “rock place” today. We sat by the crystals and every time he looked at me I was just so in love. We laid on the sand and talked about how interesting the rock formations are here. He’s so into science. I love that we’re both curious about the world around us. I just have a feeling he is the one. Dad likes him and they were fishing out there on the point. It makes my heart so warm to see the two favorite men in my life cracking jokes and bonding. He’s been coming along with dad and I to fish lately. He hadn’t been fishing in a while and he’s remembering how much he used to like it. I’m happy we’re getting him back into it again.

4/28/18

My sister came home from college this weekend with her music friends. As soon as she got home, Clay and I jumped right back in the car and rode to the rock place with them. We talked for hours about this amazing crystal beach and the golden glow of the clear river water, and life and love, and the universe…aided by the special cigarettes Mere’s friends brought along. It felt great to sift through the rocks looking for gems like we used to but I feel no need to hoard them in my rock collection anymore; they belong here. I hate that people take this place for granted and leave their shit all around. There were so many beer cans, glass shards, and wrappers in the sand. The trail was in bloom after the recent warm front and it finally felt like spring. Mere braided some flowers into my hair as the sun went down. Nights like these!

3/31/20

Today was the first day it really felt like spring, but spring doesn’t carry quite the same relief as it usually does. It’s only a week into online learning and I feel myself slipping behind. Whether it’s my ADD, my anxiety around this pandemic, my sadness around leaving friends, fights with my parents, or my temptation to do nothing except just be, college at home is not doable as I thought. So I’ve retreated to Clay’s house a bit trying to find a sense of normalcy and be around someone else who has to do hours of work each day too.

We walked along the beach near his house this afternoon and I don’t know how in the five years I’ve been dating him, we haven’t spent more of our days here. No matter the hour, the light dances on the water, flickering light onto the pebbles on shore. There were so many different kinds of stones here, some of them worth stashing in my drawer in case I want to try metalsmithing my own earrings sometime. It was so meditative, just squatting there with my toes in the water letting the sun heat up my hair while I sorted through the crystals. Clay and I showed each other our findings every few minutes. I let myself sit there and let go of obligations for the moment, even though I had work piling up. I thought about how serene this place felt despite the chaos in the world. The ducks paddling by – they have no idea what’s up. The birds perched in the tree beside me, couldn’t be happier. The pebbles on the beach, they’d just keep tumbling with the rhythm of the waves for the rest of time. For a second, I felt like a part of that, exempt from the tragedies of being human. But I guess, if I weren’t human I also wouldn’t have these thoughts and realize how lucky I am to be here right now soaking in the sweetness of the natural world. Time slows down. Maybe I can add these pebbles to a rock collection again. There’s a strange beauty on the fringes of tragedy.

12/06/20

It’s my 21st birthday today. I can’t say it’s what I had expected my 21st to be. We ordered takeout and just chilled today. Nothing is chill about today. My dad has covid, my mom has covid, my Uncle is in the ICU with covid. Here it is, knocking busting through my door.

God I hope they’re okay. I hope they get through this. I’m only three hours away. But I feel flung across space and time. I can’t really do anything. I can pray to my crystals.

I wish I kept my rock collection.

I have a couple different journals. And there’s one for random thoughts, exactly-how-I -say-it-in-my-head-thoughts. This one’s not really meant for that. This one is the one I secretly hope someone finds one day, a poetic montage of my growth over the years. I don’t really have much to say today. There’s nothing poetic about today. But at least we made damn good Shakshuka for breakfast this morning.

12/17/20

My parents and uncle are starting to round the bend with covid. It was terrifying and so real but it’s almost like I couldn’t let my mind go there. Somehow it didn’t feel real, it doesn’t feel real. None of this feels real, this whole past 10 months has felt like a weird fever dream.

What has felt so real lately is love. Connection. Connections lost and those connections that grow exponentially deeper, a depth that seems to nurse both people. Yeah – I want to mourn for the times lost getting to know people better, vibing with a whole crowd at a show, meeting people. I think about it often.

But I can’t help but think about how, still, my stars feel aligned. No, life’s not ideal right now. It’s not blossoming ahead in the same ways it would’ve pre-covid but it’s blossoming in other ways. I’m blossoming as I get to know myself better, as I understand my story. Relationships are being realized and blossoming. The sweetness of this little community and the way you can tell people are smiling at you under their mask in the co-op by the way their eyes do, the gentle touch, the jamming, the long conversations, sending letters to far away friends, 3 hour long phone conversations, freed emotions. The necessary unraveling of where we’re coming from, what we’ve done, how we got here, how to move forward with grace. All I’m saying is, I don’t know if we ever would’ve taken a second until it was too late.

I guess just no matter how hard I try, I can’t feel only hatred for this time. It’s so awful, the scale of death is so tragic, the scale of trauma and the impact that will have. It’s awful. But. – wait. Not even “but”.     And     it’s a time of growth, connection, and discovery. Looking up from our damn phones at what’s right in front of us, giving that the time. Rolling in it, delving into it, embracing it. God, if I have one more zoom call… See, now I crave rolling in the snow! I want a little more dirt on my veggies. More sunset drives and pulling over and getting out to dance. Digging in the river to see where the sparkle is coming from.

I should start my rock collection again.

Natalie Davey is a photographer, writer, podcaster, and Environmental Studies student at ESF. Being an avid hiker, fly fisherwoman, skier, and advocate for the earth, Natalie’s work is inspired by her lifetime outdoors. After college, she plans to venture out west and weave her interests of small farming, outdoor adventure, traveling, and storytelling into a winding career path.